TNG Does Whole 30, Week 2: Tiredness, Food Boredom, but then....Tiger Blood!
Sugar cravings have all but vanished, and I'm starting to find so many more things to do with my nights than stuff my face - write, take a bath, do a craft, listen to a record. All of these things alleviate the stress that I've been numbing with snacks, but in a way that's so much healthier for me mentally and physically. We are saving SO MUCH MONEY without my pastry runs to coffee shops or Marc's fast food lunch solutions while at work (he's doing Whole30 as well). I miss the indulgence and enjoyment of desserts and sweets, but it's not the base animal craving that it used to be.
Towards Day 11, food boredom starts to hit and I start to lose my appetite for entire meals sometimes, more so if I'm particularly busy that day. I'm tired of cooking from scratch and washing 3x the usual amount of dishes and I just want to get take-out from somewhere. Work becomes hard and meal prep seems daunting. I text Jamie, talk through it, and re-resolve myself. She also gives me some of her batch-roasted veggies and I want to hug her soul. Like the intangible spirit residing in her body--I want to hug that.
I accept Nikki's soul hug because my soul is tender and knows how hard the Whole30 is without ready-cooked delicious vegetables to throw in everything.
This week is all about mental health. Mike had to fly home to be with his family, and I stayed behind to care for our neurotic dogs. By Monday, I missed him, wished I was with his family, and felt close to my breaking point. Then the Werepig, my beloved rescue, got in a fight at daycare, and I lost my shit. Without Mike here and with no option to soothe myself with food, my mental state devolved into toddler-level tantrum. I texted Nikki, my sponsor, both best friends, and a fellow blogger. Instead of isolating with the false comfort of food, I reached out to my community and learned the value of showing my vulnerability. (Thank you, amazing community of women. I am so grateful I have you.)
Appetite is still lacking but my energy levels are so much higher! I decide to go lift weights for the first time in a month and overdue it completely, rendering myself so sore the next day that my students ask me why I'm walking funny. But I feel powerful and driven by the way I can see my body changing--bloating gone, face leaned out, and all my pre-pregnancy clothes fitting better again. I REALLY want to go out to eat at a restaurant, something I haven't done since we started, but don't want to deal with the temptation of ordering my usual foods. I miss alcohol a lot more than I thought I would--possibly even more than sweets at this point.
I start noticing the direct correlation between the types of foods I eat and how I feel afterwards and I start eating really strategically - nuts and protein in the morning to jump start my energy, salads and lighter veggies at lunch, and heavier saucy meals at night to keep me full. On Day 14 I put on a pair of jeans that I bought after having Lucas because I liked them and hoped to wear them one day, even though at the time I couldn't get them over my hips. They fit! I reflect on past times that I've lost weight and how restricted hungry and "punished" I felt by my diet, and I'm pumped because this is so different. I'm eating to nourish and I'm finally entering the "tiger blood" stage that the program talks about.
In the past, I have white-knuckled every day through a Whole30 until about day 17 when I impulsively grab 4 candy bars at the grocery. This time, I haven't stepped on a scale. I haven't obsessed over what I can't have and when I can have it again. Something clicked. This is about my recovery, too.